If planning a road trip through Mexico, you want to be properly prepared. In this post, we’ll teach you how to do everything you can to make sure the police pull you over constantly while driving in Mexico, providing maximum annoyance, hassle, and stories for your grandchildren.
Look young and ignorant
If you’re still young, you don’t need to do much more. However, if you’re starting to age, you need to do something about it. La policia (the police) like to see 20-something, naive people without valuable life experience.
If you’re growing older, consider getting botox, a boob job, and a rhinestone-covered Ed Hardy shirt. Consider shaving your beard and mustache to take 10 years off your age. These things, in combination with an enormous amount of makeup, should be enough for you to look sufficiently young and dumb; a perfect target for la policia.
Purchase a new car in the brightest possible color
Again, this is all about standing out from the crowd as much as possible. If you want the police to pull you over frequently, you need to make sure you never drive by unnoticed.
If your registration, Temporary Vehicle Import Permit, and other paperwork isn’t in order, they may be able to legally seize your car. If they’re going to take any car, they want the newest, brightest, and shiniest car they can get.
Appear rich by flaunting your valuables
Don’t listen to everyone else’s advice to hide all of your expensive jewelry. You want to make sure that your most expensive possessions are on you and visible at all times.
Wear that gold chain around your neck and that 4ct Harry Winston diamond ring on your finger. You want to make sure the chain is always on the outside of your shirt as to draw attention to your wealth. Furthermore, any time you’re talking, be sure to make hand gestures with the ring hand to make sure everyone sees that gigantic rock!
Remember, la policia seek young, ignorant, rich people to acquire the largest possible bribes. If you’re like us, you might not even need visible valuables to garner enough of their attention. Proceed to the next step.
Get a vanity plate with the name of a Mexican drug lord
Almost all cars in Mexico have a license plate on the front and the back. Therefore, if your car is registered in a state like Arizona where only the rear plate is required, then it’s advisable to get a vanity plate for the front that’s a facsimile of a Mexican state.
We chose the Mexican state of Oaxaca since it’s a brightly-colored license plate consisting of the Mexican flag colors.
When ordering your $12 vanity plate on eBay, you’ll get to choose the text you want on it. We’d recommend doing what we did and getting the name of a famous Mexican drug lord, like “SALAZAR,” even if it’s not your family name and part of your heritage.
Having a US-registered car, with a Oaxaca plate on the front, and a temporary import permit sticker on the windshield should sufficiently confuse the hell out of any police officers who see you driving by. It will most certainly make them want to pull you over to ask you questions.
We hope you find these tips helpful. We think that if you follow them closely, you’ll be consistently pestered by police on your road trip through Mexico.
On the other hand, if you’d like to know how to avoid getting pulled over in Mexico, you might want to do the exact opposite. 😉